Can I be honest?

Oh my goodness... we are 17 days away from the wedding! I still can't get over how close it really is! I'm really starting to geek out about it!

But can we pause for just a moment while I'm being completely honest?



Thanks.


Ok, here goes. I really hate it when people ask me if I am stressed about the wedding. No offense to all y'all who have asked me, but it's a REALLY STUPID QUESTION!

"Why?" you may ask.

Well, because when you ask me that question, I want to smack you on the forehead and say "No duh!"

Not only have I had the MOST STRESSFUL semester in college EVER, but I also am planning the wedding of the decade (not counting the prince and Kate).

I was student teaching. I had my own classes to attend every night. I worked on weekends. And I had a wedding to plan.

You tell me if you think I should be stressed or not.

I mean really, if I wasn't stressed about it, there might be something wrong with me. Stress can be good. Stress (and about a zillion cups of coffee) has been what helped me make it through the past four months of H-E-double-hockey-sticks!

So when you ask me, "Hey, do you have everything done?", my answer will always be NO. I probably won't have things done even after the wedding is over. That's just the way life is.

I don't say this to be mean, but I'm just getting very tired of that question. It's like when we first got engaged and everyone asked the question, "So, have you two picked out a date yet?"

"Yes. But I'm not going to tell you!" is what I really wanted to answer. So I'd say, "Oh, not yet!"

These are honest thoughts from an honest, and stressed-out, bride.



Thanks for allowing me to be completely honest. Pause is officially over.

I Am From Poem

This past semester, as a part of my exit portfolio from Curriculum & Instruction 658, I was required to compose an original writing sample. One week, we modeled a type of poem called the "I Am From" poem by George Ella Lyon. You can view the original model here, if you like.

Anyway, writing this poem over the course of the semester offered me an opportunity to reflect on all the little things that have contributed to my development as a person, as well as how I got to where I am today. Enjoy!

I Am From...

I am from the little gray house

And then the bigger yellow house on top of the hill.

(The one that’s great for sledding.)

I am from the Old Country- Germany-

Back where everything written with your right hand;

Apparently I’ve been doing it wrong this whole time.

I am from hours and hours of music theory

And seemingly endless piano recitals;

The dusty trophies are sitting in a box somewhere in the basement.

I am from Christmas at Grandma’s house,

With too many people crowded into the kitchen;

All of us passing around bienenstich, sub sandwiches, and disgusting fish-in-a-can.

I am from German camp in Michigan,

And basketball tournaments in LaCrosse,

And endless cheerleading fundraisers in the Grace Christian Academy lobby.

I am from meterologist in kindergarten

To lawyer in 4^th grade,

To doctor in 12^th grade,

To teacher in college;

I think I made the right decision.

I am from the white, 1990s Chrysler Grand Caravan called Vanna White

(The name borrowed from Wheel-of-Fortune),

And the 1997 Silver Mercury Sable with the “customized” back bumper,

(Courtesy of a driver who decided not to stop for the red light);

The only two vehicles that have ever been mine.

I am from ice skating in winter

(And pretending I’m really bad

So that Matthew would hold my hand),

To wanting a hockey stick for my birthday

So that I can play with the boys outside.

I am from Vernon, Wisconsin,

To Lakeland, Florida,

And back again,

All within four months

Because I wanted a change and then realized that I was being stupid.

I am from piles and piles of books in the corner of my room,

Which are only outdone by the number of coffee cups on my nightstand,

Because I’m an addict.

Thanks mom.

I am from outgoing child

To shy and quiet adult;

One who hates parties

And who would rather stay home and watch a movie.

I am from child to adult,

Always my parents' daughter,

From girlfriend to fiancee

And now wife.

I am always from the big yellow house on the top of the hill,

But I am also from the new life I am starting

In the little brick house on Beloit.

"Now, walk..."

This week has been absolutely awful. I had all sorts of drama going on in my life: drama with the wedding (from multiple people), drama with the school I teach at, and drama with the school I attend. Also, it was my birthday. (I'm not usually an "anti-birthday" person, but this year I just happened to have a bad day up until I saw Matthew. He definitely knows how to make bad my days turn around- *hint* cheese and Starbucks! )

Anyway, I think I had an official bridezilla meltdown. I cried three times.

In one day.

Yep.

I cried once in the car, once in the library at school, and once on the phone. I just couldn't handle everything that was happening at that point; it all seemed like it was falling apart. Everything that was happening seemed to be all about everyone else, and what I wanted really didn't matter.

It might come off sounding completely selfish, but I think that for one day, I should be allowed to have the wedding of my dreams. I should be allowed to have the people there that I want, I should be allowed to have everyone in one place at one time, and I should be allowed the same traditional prerequisite festivities (like a bachelorette party, getting hair done together, getting ready together, etc.) as anyone else. Why shouldn't I? It's probably my only opportunity to do so!

But I digress. Like I was saying, my week was awful. It really helped some situations to sleep on my anger; it allowed me to calm down. Crying helped. Talking things out helped. Realizing the things that I wanted and realizing that I needed to express those things explicitly was a big step for me. It's a very difficult line between being a b**** y bridezilla and telling others how I want my big day to go. I applaud anyone who can go through the whole wedding-planning process and successfully navigate through it and remain relatively unscathed. It's something I'm still working on; after all, I'm only human! But in the midst of me calming down from my latest mental and emotional collapse, I came across these wonderful words of wisdom from the great Randy Fennoli (yep, the guy from Say Yes to the Dress):

Take time to be in the moment. Planning a wedding usually takes a year or two, yet it seems like it passes by in the blink of an eye. Remember throughout the process to take time to enjoy each step. Savor the food tastings, enjoy viewing different venues, and, above all else, what girl wouldn’t enjoy shopping for the gown.

The same should be applied to your wedding day. Remember to breathe and take in each moment. As the doors of the church open up and you and your fiance see each other for the first time, pause and take in this moment. Look to your family and loved ones who have gathered to celebrate your wedding. Think about the new life you are starting. Now, walk.

- Randy Fennoli

Aah. I needed that.